i've finally decided to change my blogskin even though i had the short moment of inspiration to create my own blogskin.

well. for the first time in a REALLY long time i'm in the mood to blog. it's 3:33am right now. nice~

many things are currently on my mind. why is it that we aren't able to give up the past even though the past is an elusive thing which will never be a part of your life ever again. if only there were answers to every question there is on my mind right now.

humans are all the same. they seek to be understood by others but are unable to understand. my recent exploits has proven one point correct. that people are all superficial no matter how you may choose to look at other angles. what they seem to understand is merely the icing of the cake where it is at it's most delicate and refined state rather than the compound state beneath it all.

that's the way we humans are in the end. superficial at base. nominally understanding at mid-level and, persistently "airy" at top floor.

it's been a long time. i've tried forgetting but failed. why is it that everything that's you always tread my mind on the edges tormenting me. the memories. a reminder of my failure. my failure to understand, my failure to be patient, my failure to love.

at this point of time. some whom i thought were the ones has come and gone. like the wind that blows the dust, insignificant but footnotes in my life. but the one figure that stands in my mind and my heart is still you. am i weak?

2years+ on and no other has been able to make me commit all my heart. no other has been able pull me out of my dreary recesses of my past.

i think i've totally lost the heart and mind to really woo a girl these days. God knows why because i seriously don't. and i'm still searching for the answer why i've become like this. i forgot what it's like to love, what it's like to date someone, what it's like to feel that weird feeling coursing through whenever me and another do something funny. i've totally forgotten the meaning of love, the meaning of wooing someone. the meaning of loving and being loved.

destiny and fate must have played a cruel trick/prank in my life. i wonder and i don't know. but if the both of you really did so, i understand why. like they always say. you may be the best in everything else you do, but with that comes a price, and a sacrifice of something you truely want but you will never be able to receive it.

my best wish comes from my own despair. to love and be loved.

the cogs of my mind is still entwined and looking for the answer in this lonely night...